2017 was a tough year in many ways, but what was it like in the School of Schlock? From Bucket of Blood to Santa Claus, we take the list of films we watched this year and determine the worst of the worst, including Worst Character, Worst Moment or Line, Worst Visual. We also make final judgment on what was our Worst Films of the Year. This is the way to start 2018 off right! Happy New Year!

Episode Time Stamps

0:02:43 - Schlockys Explanation and Film List

0:06:04 - Schlocky Lifetime Achievement Award
 
0:09:30 - Worst Character 
 
0:51:13 - Worst Moment or Line
 
1:34:10 - Worst Visual

1:52:08 - Best Moment
 
1:56:48 - Ten Worst Films of the Year

Ho ho ho! Santa has to fight the Devil for the souls of earth's children, but with a little Merlin magic and Santa's army of child laborers, Christmas just might be saved! Tom and Ryan take in this delightful, terrifying holiday romp, and along the way they tackle such Yuletide topics as Western views of Africa, using a traveling carnival to launch your film career, and what an alternate-reality version of Ryan might be like. So double-check your Christmas lists to ensure that you asked for a rocket, an atomic laboratory, and our review of the Mexican family classic, Santa Claus!

Episode Time Stamps

0:03:36 - Film Summary
 
0:39:58 - Film Background 
 
0:54:25 - The Good

0:57:14 - The Bad

1:08:48 - The Ugly
 
1:21:30 - Improving the Film

What do you get if you take the director of the Poseidon Adventure, add in Sean Connery, Karl Malden, Henry Fonda, and Natalie Wood, and mix in some experienced screenwriters tackling one of the hottest genres of their time? The answer is: you get a big boring mess! Join Tom and Ryan as they talk about Oscar winning people, learn who was complimented by Charlie Chaplin, find out what happens when you decide not to go with John Williams as your composer, and get a lesson on what name might be said more frequently on Chinese college campuses than any other. All this and more as we review the 1979 disaster movie, Meteor!

Episode Time Stamps

0:04:30 - Film Summary
 
0:30:15 - Film Background 
 
1:05:05 - The Good

1:12:55 - The Bad

1:23:55 - The Ugly
 
1:36:38 - Improving the Film

Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, giants, monsters, chases, escapes, true love, miracles...no, we're not watching The Princess Bride this week, but instead a crappy 1960s fantasy that indulges the many tropes of fantasy films while also doing nothing with them! Join Tom and Ryan as they discuss fantasy-relevant topics such as Sherlock Holmes, "freak show" voyeurism, and terrible Irish accents. This podcast is hotter than the 4th curse (out of 7) as we discuss The Magic Sword!

Episode Time Stamps

0:02:37 - Film Summary
 
0:40:31 - Film Background 
 
1:03:38 - The Good

1:08:30 - The Bad

1:22:02 - The Ugly
 
1:33:50 - Improving the Film

The horror-comedy genre has a long and storied tradition of pretty terrible films, but this might just stand head-and-shoulders above the rest! Listen to Tom and Ryan talk about such timely topics as the 1980 Olympics, the rescue of baby Jessica, and musical numbers on mini-golf courses! So get that submarine out of your stomach and listen to our review of Saturday the 14th Strikes Back!

Episode Time Stamps
 
0:02:30 - Film Summary
 
0:12:18 - Film Background 
 
0:36:50 - The Good

0:45:14 - The Bad

1:01:55 - The Ugly
 
1:20:06 - Improving the Film

A mad scientist is hell-bent on making a woman beautiful again after a waffle iron accident leaves her mildly scarred. Tom and Ryan discuss all the ins and outs of this cheesy sci-fi horror flick, such as the ways in which all-engulfing flames can leave minor scars, the things that Billy Idol and this movie have in common, and the many mistreatments of women that can be packed into an hour and twenty minutes. Load up on Derma-28, because it's time to discuss Atom Age Vampire!

Episode Time Stamps

0:03:10 - Film Summary

0:39:45 - Film Background

0:51:33 - The Good

1:01:40 - The Bad

1:13:45 - The Ugly

1:32:06 - Improving the Film

Tom and Ryan settle in to enjoy a Western film with plenty of dueling, the way it was meant to be done: with epees and machetes. They also get into the topics of "indentured servitude," dying for honor, and the prospect of JFK giving speeches about sugar. Hold tight to your flat, Midwestern accents, because it's time to enjoy the whitest creole culture you've ever seen in Duel on the Mississippi!

Episode Time Stamps
 
0:04:00 - Film Summary
 
0:32:45 - Film Background 
 
0:52:24 - The Good

0:59:32 - The Bad

1:11:40 - The Ugly
 
1:35:45 - Improving the Film

What do you do when a monster from space is threatening Japan? Why, you send in Tom, Ryan, and the most adorable kaiju you can find to take care of it! We review this family-friendly, super 70s Japanese monster film, and along the way get into discussions about theme songs, marvel at the artistic might of Toho, and put on our worst Boston accentsfor a boardroom presentation. Ride along with us on our exploding aerobikes as we review Daigoro vs Goliath!

Episode Time Stamps

0:03:00 - Film Summary

0:34:05 - Film Background

0:47:46 - The Good

0:51:58 - The Bad

0:58:20 - The Ugly

1:07:42 - Improving the Film

Special guest Brian joins Tom and Ryan to talk about another 1970s horror cheese-fest that includes Sam Elliott, miscellaneous amphibians, and a whole lot of clumsy deaths. The discussion naturally veers to such topics as the coloration of film credits, largemouth bass making dolphin noises, and Ted, the failed creature wrangler. Nothing will get in the way of your special day if you listen in to our review of Frogs!

Episode Time Stamps
 
0:05:00 - Film Summary
 
0:41:03 - Film Background 
 
1:02:20 - The Good

1:11:38 - The Bad

1:22:55 - The Ugly
 
1:34:40 - Improving the Film